Uni

We were in our early twenties. Merely one year and a half after sitting for the A/L examinations our batch commenced. We came with hopes and expectations of our parents and of course our very existent relations. 

In our parent's eyes we were both the pride and the boasting factor. In our lecturers' eyes we were the best of the best lot selected from the A/L examination in order to achieve greatness. But we actually were just confused at the sudden change of events and still were trying to find a chance to have fun and enjoy. 

We were adults by age but children at heart. We still needed a mother's nagging to wake up in the morning or a father's stern look to go hide in the room to pretend to study.

However, fortunately or unfortunately for us, our parents were quite pleased with us that their intervention in our affairs unexpectedly reduced. The restrictions we had during school days were lifted. We were presumed to be grown up.

With this new found freedom we were overwhelmed. Some of us were sent to boarding houses from their homes. A phase they never thought that they could achieve.

Our group was a mix of everyone. The extremely bright lot who never missed a lecture, the naturally brainy ones who misses all lectures but manages to give kuppi to the lecture-goers, and lastly the never go to a lecture but goes to kuppis to find the minimum required marks to pass lot. And of course, I belonged to the latter lot. 

Exams were like the monster comes calling times for us. However, that happened only twice a year. So we were not stressed about that till the monster himself comes and knocks on our doors. We never considered mid semester exams as exams as that was such a waste of valuable time.

During exams it is always the aid of the great photocopy machine. If not for that, us lot wouldn't have graduated at all. 

Lectures or not we always went to uni. My attendance was close to 99% in uni after leaving the sick days of which I was forced to stay at home. Even in sickness we were always found in uni but never in a lecture. 

We had huts designed for us in order to study while enjoying  the cool breeze that envelops the uni. 

These huts were actually used for just hanging around by groups and of course by the immense number of couples in uni for their lovey-dovey talks. It should be noted that during exam days not a single hut can be found due to everyone cramming on their lecture notes.

The first job we do when entering uni is finding a suitable hut for the day because unless you would be just roaming around with no proper place to eat and hang around. The food is either brought from home or bought from outside. And all of us share each bath packet. It is like world war three on the bath packet for the chicken piece and the egg. 

My bokka friend used to bring a huge packet when he was coming from home. He was residing in a boarding house and every weekend he went home. Thus, on Mondays he comes to uni at around 10 - 11 o'clock with a huge bath packet. This weighed almost 1 - 2 kg. When this packet arrives its always lunch time for us. We would call everyone around to join because his mother's cooking is beyond any maestro's cooking for us. Its mouth watering for me just by thinking about it. 

Uni days were everything one could hope for. I was determined to write about every mischievous thing we did, every funny story we shared and all the hilarious incidents that occurred but that would probably come as another post as there are quite a lot to write about.

A day not too long ago, when we met at uni, my bokka friend said machang apita sadudatath aith campus enna thibuna nam (what if we are able to come to campus on Monday again). The words were met by heavy sighs and longing from all of us.

We were young and still growing up. We were carefree and loved every day. We found freedom, we found life long friendships, we found life partners, and we found some parts of ourselves we never knew existed. Uni life gradually molded our values, lifestyles and perceptions in order to become better humans for ourselves and others.

The three years I spent in uni are by far the most memorable years of my life. These memories are what drives me even to this day. They are the strength that keeps us from falling apart when we are faced with responsibilities and when trouble comes calling. 

Friends and rifts

Friends mocking each other is ordinary. But mocking a person for their fears in my view is inhumane. Fears are formed with the experiences one faces in the progression of life. Thus, one cannot be the judge of another's fear without having experiencing the same events with the same impact.

I was in utter despair after witnessing an event that provoked one of my largest fears which lead to the mockery of it. A feeling of being naked in front of a crowd was engulfing me. The friendly sounds of laughter that I used to love and found comfort in was terrifying me. The incident was shocking yet the mocking that continued was somewhat horrifying.
The abandoned shell was calling out to me. But the person I wanted to find comfort in was not. That fact alone broke down the carefully constructed layers of walls. I ended up yelling at him for not shielding me from the knife-like words, as he was supposed to. The explosion was not foreseen. Complete silence followed. I left the place soon after, feeling embarrassed and defeated.

The offender and I made up after a slight exchange of words and a mutual understanding.
But him, the friend, had misunderstood the situation. The yelling that was meant for another had ended up hurting him. He had found his own shell, after misinterpreting the situation.

The cheerful and carefree atmosphere in the gang has dropped down to a peaceful yet heart wrenching silence. The loudest and the craziest of the gang, the main role of today's story was stuck in a corner reading a book with extreme interest. I, on the other hand was trying hard to be invisible and praying that no one would have the courage to come up and ask me 'what is going on'. Surprisingly or not, everyone carried on their own conversations as if to ensure us that we still have hope towards a reunion.

That was a few days after the event that pulled us apart.

It's almost a month since then and the gang is in normal gear simply without us having a conversation. The rift between us had knowingly or unknowingly drifted us apart with the passing of time.

This fact hurts me deep down. He is one of the very few people who I had in my inner circle. A friend I'm grateful to in many occasions. A friend I was proud to have.

It pains me to be the reason behind this new rift that seems to be taking longer than usual to settle. But pride and negligence have joined hands in pushing back the day in talking things out.

From another person's view, the issue seems to be so trivial to be giving silent treatment to each other. But for us, the matter is too unreal and huge that it drives us towards our own personal shells.

Time heals. That's what I relied on for the past month but no such healing was visible. The more sensitive the matter is, I back down and wait for another's entry into solving it rather than my own. But this seems to not work since the friend is also waiting. All what is left is for me to take the matter into my hands and to make the first move. Hope the first move doesn't make it worse.

Guilt

A destination desired
for both in the run
one trying to unsee,
the other one's role

Unknowingly or not
destination was reached
right on the dot
for the other, just heaved


The guilt runs deep
cowering under her shield
she loses her sleep
trying to live her dream

I'm sorry but not
this confusing bond
dejected yet elated
in her pinnacle of life

First meeting

Being granted a bottuwa to uni, I was undoubtedly the awkward, new girl in the crowd until my bestie came along to play the role of the middle man. Thanks to her I wasn't having my usual new place, new difficulties disease till very late.

It was the first lecture with a group activity. And I hated the idea of group activities with a passion because I'm very socially awkward. However, this group that I was in consisted of about 15 to 20 people, some who looked fairly familiar to me, some friends from school and my bestie. Thus, my awkwardness was given the back seat.

It was then, that I saw him first. With a perfectly sculpted face, extremely thick eyebrows, a chiseled jawline, a sharp nose and a gaze that can see right through your soul, he was sitting at the center of the group in a maroon and blue t shirt that emphasized his facial features. He was the man of any girl's dreams.

I was giggling intensely at anything and everything, craving for his attention. But so were all the girls in the group. And yes, the attention was given, but not to me, but to a friend of mine who oozes beauty and innocence. The attention didn't last long, but it lasted enough to get all of us excited.

He was pretty much aware of the effect he had on all of us, as were the case with many insanely handsome people.

He had so many ideas to offer regarding the activity, and apparently became the main speaker while the others just fooled around.

I lost interest in the activity and started digging up information on this insanely gorgeous dude with the rest of the girls. He was apparently attending the same private uni that I was attending at that time, which lead only one word to appear in bold in my head, 'destiny'!

I was asked a question regarding the activity out of the blue and the entire group fell silent. And that was my cue to act as awkward as I can physically manage. The question forgotten, I only saw his eyes on me. I was blushing a shade of pink that I never knew I can achieve. A few minutes into my awkwardness he answered for me. I felt like the ground beneath was slipping away from the amount of embarrassment I faced.

And that was my first meeting with the first man I've ever come to love.