First meeting

Being granted a bottuwa to uni, I was undoubtedly the awkward, new girl in the crowd until my bestie came along to play the role of the middle man. Thanks to her I wasn't having my usual new place, new difficulties disease till very late.

It was the first lecture with a group activity. And I hated the idea of group activities with a passion because I'm very socially awkward. However, this group that I was in consisted of about 15 to 20 people, some who looked fairly familiar to me, some friends from school and my bestie. Thus, my awkwardness was given the back seat.

It was then, that I saw him first. With a perfectly sculpted face, extremely thick eyebrows, a chiseled jawline, a sharp nose and a gaze that can see right through your soul, he was sitting at the center of the group in a maroon and blue t shirt that emphasized his facial features. He was the man of any girl's dreams.

I was giggling intensely at anything and everything, craving for his attention. But so were all the girls in the group. And yes, the attention was given, but not to me, but to a friend of mine who oozes beauty and innocence. The attention didn't last long, but it lasted enough to get all of us excited.

He was pretty much aware of the effect he had on all of us, as were the case with many insanely handsome people.

He had so many ideas to offer regarding the activity, and apparently became the main speaker while the others just fooled around.

I lost interest in the activity and started digging up information on this insanely gorgeous dude with the rest of the girls. He was apparently attending the same private uni that I was attending at that time, which lead only one word to appear in bold in my head, 'destiny'!

I was asked a question regarding the activity out of the blue and the entire group fell silent. And that was my cue to act as awkward as I can physically manage. The question forgotten, I only saw his eyes on me. I was blushing a shade of pink that I never knew I can achieve. A few minutes into my awkwardness he answered for me. I felt like the ground beneath was slipping away from the amount of embarrassment I faced.

And that was my first meeting with the first man I've ever come to love.

Career path and what not

My sister, the idiot as I like to call her is just at that point in her life where she has to chose her career path. And she's at a loss. (And I'm kinda glad that we do have something in common.)

I was at a loss myself sometime back and tried to reject every option that came my way solely for the fear of failing and the fear of being responsible for that failure. But after a few words with my parents and several levels of getting hurt, I decided on a praivate uni and peacefully (maybe not) attended it for a while. Then came local uni into the picture and the problem at hand was solved and the private uni was discarded like it never ever mattered.

So, I have something to stick to for the time being and not wander around. But, after a year or two I will also be at the same spot my sister is currently at, looking for the perfect career path.

Usually the path is the same for most of the kids till their O/Ls. Then it curves and splits into different paths. In my case it was the same till the completion of A/Ls. The stream chosen to sit for the exam did not require much thoughts as the parents and society approved path with many friends was easy to chose. But after the A/Ls comes the real deal. You are out of school and you are a society accepted adult. Thus, your parents suddenly leave you with making the decisions and you feel all the fears in the world. And you try to pass time and not make that dreadful decision because you are not familiar by the whole act of it.

It was the case for most of my friends as well.


The moment that you are made responsible for youself, you try to flee because of the burden and the fear of failure. This in my opinion is mainly because of the fact that most of our decisions, even the smallest of them were made for us without our knowledge. We were accustomed to the habit of asking for permission and getting the nod of approval in the actions we were to make. Thus, the moment the roles switch we feel like we are at a dead end even with so many paths in front of us.

Him

Innocent and immature
hoping for his love
broken and lost
in a world of her own

Wishful thinking
every night and day
losing credibility
in the dreams of day

A princess in his eyes
guarding her innocence
he walks in her dreams
the perfect man.

Stupid

Playing without knowing
how stupid of me
acting without a script
how stupid of me

Head up in the sky
how stupid of me 
soul within walls
how stupid of me
Masking in invincibility
only to my eyes


Naked and laughable
in front of his eyes
not wanting to bow down
the heavy head of mine

Waliya

Violence was never my thing and I used to back away from any situation that contained it or tried my best to make peace amongst the parties involved.
However, yesterday at uni I had front row seats to a waliya that made me witness some bone chilling real action for the first time of my 23 plus years of existence.

There had been a few waliya here and there in uni but I was never there to witness them and only heard the stories and the rumours that supported them.

The event yesterday happened right before my eyes and I had no way of backing away from the scene. I had my eyes glued on the scene that is unfolding like a child to a cartoon airing on tv. But deep inside it scared the shit out of me seeing how my friends let their inner beasts out and fought amongst themselves.

The idea of how the people who used to laugh together for some lame jokes, make fun of each other and have fun together, are able to beat each other with iron rods is still inconceivable to me.

Maybe I'm thinking too much into a situation which doesn't need to be thought much of. But, this is me being effing sentimental and protective over my friends who made me feel protected in ways unknown to them.

When one party in the fight had a few words to share about me, my friends and all near me came up to me to stand in a protective stance making my insides explode with pride towards them and curl up with fear for them at the same time. However, the situation didn't end up in a mess and my friends were left unharmed. 

But I cannot say the same about the entire event yesterday.

The blood lust I saw in their eyes, the strength with which they fought amongst themselves and the anger they directed towards their frenemies were the only things I seemed to have noticed yesterday. And I felt like we are not the better species. Even with a working brain on top of our heads we still end up paying homage to our original beastly selves when the situation slightly changes.