Confession

The fluttering heart
the unfocused gaze
towards his heart
I walked the path

With worst in mind
and nervous at his sight
I babbled on for a while
till I saw him smile

The feared need
he wanted indeed
time to comprehend
his inner feels

Wishes were granted
though never required
he came back to admit
that his heart was mine!

Elated and overjoyed
I finally realised
that I am truly and madly
in love with this blissful being!

Just..

For the guy who is wracking up his brain in search of his feelings, I hope that you find them and get back to me within the time span given.

Let's end this indicisiveness and move on to a new phase.

But I hope you think only of yourself and come at a decision. Good luck finding yourself!

The video below gives what I wish to say right now to you, but cannot. Hope you get it..

First meeting

Being granted a bottuwa to uni, I was undoubtedly the awkward, new girl in the crowd until my bestie came along to play the role of the middle man. Thanks to her I wasn't having my usual new place, new difficulties disease till very late.

It was the first lecture with a group activity. And I hated the idea of group activities with a passion because I'm very socially awkward. However, this group that I was in consisted of about 15 to 20 people, some who looked fairly familiar to me, some friends from school and my bestie. Thus, my awkwardness was given the back seat.

It was then, that I saw him first. With a perfectly sculpted face, extremely thick eyebrows, a chiseled jawline, a sharp nose and a gaze that can see right through your soul, he was sitting at the center of the group in a maroon and blue t shirt that emphasized his facial features. He was the man of any girl's dreams.

I was giggling intensely at anything and everything, craving for his attention. But so were all the girls in the group. And yes, the attention was given, but not to me, but to a friend of mine who oozes beauty and innocence. The attention didn't last long, but it lasted enough to get all of us excited.

He was pretty much aware of the effect he had on all of us, as were the case with many insanely handsome people.

He had so many ideas to offer regarding the activity, and apparently became the main speaker while the others just fooled around.

I lost interest in the activity and started digging up information on this insanely gorgeous dude with the rest of the girls. He was apparently attending the same private uni that I was attending at that time, which lead only one word to appear in bold in my head, 'destiny'!

I was asked a question regarding the activity out of the blue and the entire group fell silent. And that was my cue to act as awkward as I can physically manage. The question forgotten, I only saw his eyes on me. I was blushing a shade of pink that I never knew I can achieve. A few minutes into my awkwardness he answered for me. I felt like the ground beneath was slipping away from the amount of embarrassment I faced.

And that was my first meeting with the first man I've ever come to love.

Career path and what not

My sister, the idiot as I like to call her is just at that point in her life where she has to chose her career path. And she's at a loss. (And I'm kinda glad that we do have something in common.)

I was at a loss myself sometime back and tried to reject every option that came my way solely for the fear of failing and the fear of being responsible for that failure. But after a few words with my parents and several levels of getting hurt, I decided on a praivate uni and peacefully (maybe not) attended it for a while. Then came local uni into the picture and the problem at hand was solved and the private uni was discarded like it never ever mattered.

So, I have something to stick to for the time being and not wander around. But, after a year or two I will also be at the same spot my sister is currently at, looking for the perfect career path.

Usually the path is the same for most of the kids till their O/Ls. Then it curves and splits into different paths. In my case it was the same till the completion of A/Ls. The stream chosen to sit for the exam did not require much thoughts as the parents and society approved path with many friends was easy to chose. But after the A/Ls comes the real deal. You are out of school and you are a society accepted adult. Thus, your parents suddenly leave you with making the decisions and you feel all the fears in the world. And you try to pass time and not make that dreadful decision because you are not familiar by the whole act of it.

It was the case for most of my friends as well.


The moment that you are made responsible for youself, you try to flee because of the burden and the fear of failure. This in my opinion is mainly because of the fact that most of our decisions, even the smallest of them were made for us without our knowledge. We were accustomed to the habit of asking for permission and getting the nod of approval in the actions we were to make. Thus, the moment the roles switch we feel like we are at a dead end even with so many paths in front of us.

Him

Innocent and immature
hoping for his love
broken and lost
in a world of her own

Wishful thinking
every night and day
losing credibility
in the dreams of day

A princess in his eyes
guarding her innocence
he walks in her dreams
the perfect man.